Serenity coming in

 

(Terry Davis - Serene rising)

 

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
(W. Shakespeare - Macbeth, Act V, Scene V)

 

 

 
When I was 15 or 16 years old, the guy who taught English came up with this scene from Macbeth - not to make it clear to "us" that EVERYTHING is buggered from the start, but because it is part of the curriculum to tell the students that these few sentences were extremely often plundered by those who followed for book, poem or song titles.
I, however, was rather stuck with the core message of this text & that is "It's all buggered anyway, it makes no fucking difference whatever you do".

 

 
Like "All is Vanity" & some other stuff, I swallowed this nihilistic pill in my puberty and was thus no longer usable for a subsequent normie life.
Unfortunately, however, I then somehow ran after this carrot like a damn donkey for several years....

I just assumed my fortune would be waiting for me somewhere in the depths of a vagina, it just was that way, you can't do anything against it.
If one becomes old enough, he then recognizes at some point what a basic error this is.
Life is a long-distance run, not a sprint, and during this long, loooong time one must never surrender to the illusion that the present state would be permanent - no matter whether it is a particularly pleasant state or a really shitty one.

But no matter how many pills you have swallowed - there is still a big difference between
"I know for a fact that NOTHING matters" while the "humanity" around you pretends it DOES
and
"I know for a fact that NOTHING matters, and I feel it with every fiber of my body"
while the "humanity" around you loses the last remnants of its sanity, which was not abundant in the first place, & accepts without much resistance an ever more grotesquely escalating clown world as normality.

Of course, it was a clown world before, but at least it had something like an inner logic and was more or less consistently followed through.
What "we" have now is a completely different department, and that is probably how it should be.
Whatever - it's fine with me, from my point of view the current development is absolutely welcome.

There is nothing left to discuss or sugarcoat.
There is nobody to be taken seriously anymore.
There is nothing left that could seem important anymore.

End of the conversation.

Finally, Serenity spreads - what a wonderful feeling after all these years of anger, despair and worry.
It is not
"Everything doesn't matter"
but
"Everything is as it should be".

Of course the old feelings bubble up every now and then.... but this becomes rarer & weaker & it becomes easier and easier to put the lid on it again.
This clown circus here is none of my business anymore & there is absolutely no reason to get upset about anything any of the clowns says or does.
I will spend my remaining time enjoying pleasant things and minding my own business
and
hopefully it won't take too long until the fabric of this "reality" dissolves for me while I listen to a nice sound like birds chirping or "To heal" by Underworld...

 ... and then at the very end I will smile & whisper "Oh so THAT's how it is"
and all will be fine.